And Now for Something of a Religious Nature!..Day 18

And Now for Something of a Religious Nature!..Day 18

One or two of these made me laugh!

Nature is  my church

Church Ladies With Typewriters!

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services but NOT THE LAST ONE!

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’The sermon tonight:’Searching for Jesus.’
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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What is hell
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’

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False teeth

A Vicar went to the dentist for a set of false teeth.

The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, his sermon lasts for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, it lasts for only ten minutes.

The following Sunday, it lasts for one hour and twenty-five minutes.

His Churchwarden asked him after the third sermon to explain the reason for the different times.

The Vicar explained that on the first Sunday his gums hurt so much he couldn’t preach for more than eight minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to preach for more than ten minutes.

However, on the third Sunday, he put his wife’s teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up.

…………………………….

With special thanks to all those who have inspired me to write/contribute to this content in particular Jean Bush and Malcolm Irvine.

Please note that for the last 12 Blog Posts of the Competition, I will write about the Internet Lifestyle Starter Kit.

Tags: #internet lifestyle starter kit, #Game Of Tribes, #Gavin Mountford, #Networking Superstars, Beth Hewitt ’s 30 Day Blog Challenge, Church Ladies With Typewriters, Church Bulletins, Jesus Walks on the Water, What Is Hell, a set of false teeth

I want to remind you about Beth Hewitt’s 30 Day Blog Post Challenge? There is still time to join now and have some fun!… Just click the link.

Build. Lead. Inspire

Inspired by Gavin Mountford’s Networking Superstars and Game of Tribes for which many thanks.

Tags: #internet lifestyle starter kit, #Game Of Tribes, #Gavin Mountford, #Networking Superstars, Beth Hewitt ’s 30 Day Blog Challenge, Church Ladies With Typewriters, Church Bulletins, Jesus Walks on the Water, What Is Hell, a set of false teeth

John Barton is a marketing entrepreneur assisting those who are retiring in a few years’ time or have already retired and who are looking for help about the internet and online businesses and making a difference to their lives

Click here to find out more about the Internet Lifestyle Starter Kit – a proven formula to make money online.

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P.S – I am introducing a couple of new features for your entertainment as follows:- (Please let me know what you think)

A QUOTATION

All good is born in prayer, and all good springs from it.
C. H. Spurgeon

A SONG

The Platters – My Prayer

 

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